Embracing your curly or wavy hair is, I think, a lesson in self-acceptance. You look at other people’s curls and hope that yours will one day look like that, and when it doesn’t happen, you think you’re doing something wrong.

It took me a while to find the techniques, tweaks and products that enabled me to style my curls in a way I like, but it took even longer to realise that there’s only so much my fine, lower-density, wavy-curly hair can achieve.

Even if you buy the products that everyone says is their “holy grail” – genetics, lifestyle and environment will always come into play. So read on and find out if you need to manage your expectations in a few areas:

There will always be frizz

I see people asking “how do I get rid of frizz” pretty much every day, but the fact is: it’s part and parcel of having textured hair, and although you can reduce it, you will never be able to fully eliminate it. Any product that claims to eliminate frizz is either exaggerating, or it will reduce dryness and smooth the frizz temporarily.

But once we step outside and face the elements, those little flyaway pieces and halo frizz is always going to creep back. And that’s okay! We can’t seal ourselves in a sterile box just so our hair stays neat, so you might as well accept the frizz you do have and wear it with confidence!

It’s normal to have a mixture of curl patterns

Another problem I commonly get asked about is “my hair is super curly in this section but wavy/looser over here!” This can be really frustrating if you’re used to the uniformity of straightening your hair or using a curling wand, and very confusing if you think your hair should fall into a certain category on the curl typing chart (here’s why you shouldn’t bother with that chart, though).

Of course, if your hair is damaged it’s going to take some time to bounce back. But in reality, it’s also normal to have a mixture of curl patterns all over your head; “wavy-curly” hair is a legitimate curl pattern.

You can experiment with different styling techniques to try and make your hair look consistent, such as finger rolling or brush styling, but your hair might not want to even stay in that uniform shape! So remember that natural hair is also naturally imperfect, and again, don’t let it knock your confidence.

Your curls may never curl at the root

In the same vein, it can be very frustrating to see people with lovely, bouncy volume, and you may find yourself wondering why your hair doesn’t curl at the root, or why you lose volume so quickly.

There are a number of reasons why this could be – perhaps your products are too heavy, perhaps you need to clarify, maybe you need a little extra hold at your roots, like a foam – but as with the previous point, it could also be part of your natural curl pattern to have less curly or “silky” roots.

I have this problem myself – my roots get soft very easily and if my hair gets too long, the weight of my curls ends up pulling my roots down. Having shorter hair with layers helps me with volume, but I accepted long ago that no matter what I do, my hair is just naturally curlier at the bottom than it is at the top.

You may need to wash your hair more often

When I first started my curly journey, I thought it was the goal to last a week without washing your hair, and I got so confused when my scalp got itchy and greasy after just 3 days.

I now realise that this varies from person to person – some people can go 7 or even 10 days without shampooing their hair, but for some people (and especially if you have fine or lower-density hair), then washing every 3-4 days is not only fine, but better for their scalp health.

It’s so important to listen to your scalp rather than trying to stretch out your washday as long as possible – if you need to wash your hair every day, that’s fine too! There’s a way to keep your scalp clean and healthy without drying out your strands, with gentler shampoos or combining a stronger shampoo with a co-wash. I personally clarify every couple of weeks too, which also happens to help my volume!

It won’t look like other people’s hair (especially people you see on Instagram/TikTok)

Social media is so exhausting sometimes – everyone seems to have perfect skin and hair, a perfect home, and be on super-exciting holidays all the time.

But as someone who runs a curly hair Instagram account, I can tell you this – the photos and videos you see of “perfect” hair are carefully posed, and taken in very well-lit locations. I do most of my filming in front of my bedroom window, where I have lots of natural light – but this also means that my halo frizz is hidden against the darker background. If I were to film in my dark bathroom with its harsh spotlights, with a white wall directly behind me, it would be a different story!

Some people also strike strategic poses to make their hair look more full or long, such as sweeping all of their hair to one side, or pushing it over the front of their shoulders just for the photo. But we don’t walk around like that all day! The rest of the time, we are living normal lives.

Don’t get sucked into the trap of comparing your curls to those you see online, and being annoyed you don’t have perfect curls. I promise you, every curly has frizz and wonky curls.

I, too used to get annoyed at all of the things listed here! Everyone else’s curls seemed to be so frizz-free and uniform, with all the volume – AND last a whole week!

Remember that your goal should be healthy curls, not perfect curls – so focus on treating your curls gently and remembering the things you love about your curls, rather than the things you wish you could have.

View my Instagram post on things I have come to accept about my own curly hair:

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A post shared by Natalie ➿ fine curly hair tips (@curlsbythecoast)